Time’s up?

 

You just waltzed back into my life like you supposed/deserved to be here or something. I kept waiting for you, but it’s too late now, I gave you more than enough chances to make things right yet you didn’t. You know what? You don’t have all the time in the world, it’s not like I’m gonna wait for you forever, there is limit to my forbearance too. When you leave, I ain’t following. I opened myself up to you for a couple of times to get myself cut. I got to be moving on without you. I’m sorry but I can’t put myself through all those pain again, and let you make me look like a fool. You can’t erase the past, those hurt and tears that were caused by you, I did not lie or push you away but what about you?
You won’t understand how I feel even if you’ve been through worse, and if it’s hard for you, it’s even harder for me.
Trust me, I did not even want to force you into anything or do anything, so I did not want to tell your Godpa what happened, I did not want him to reprimand you for anything and get you pressurized to do anything. Everything you do should be willingly, not forced. I don’t want you to think that I’m some ninny that complains to your Godpa when there is some issue between us and get you into some scolding, that’s really not I want. Please, I wish that you won’t think of me as some missy, because I’m not. It’s our problem, it’s between us and we gotta solve it ourselves. In truth, maybe I’m just not yet ready to cross those obstacles build in front of me to you. If we’re really meant to be, we’ll find each other some how, one day, and I may just fall for you, like how it was before.

P.S There is no grief like a goodbye.

Dreadful Back.

My back is starting to hurt again since yesterday, I thought that the back torturing thing was over after my period when it didn’t hurt and here it comes again with worsen condition! Yesterday I was sitting on the floor with my back bend, and when I tried to sit up straight, there was a serious SHARP pain and I couldn’t straighten my back which scared the hell out of me. Today, it happened a few times I was thinking whether I should go see a doctor and asked fatfat for advice, even Jessica ask me to go see a doctor as soon as possible.
When I told mum about my back hurting again, she didn’t take it seriously and I felt really sad that she did not really care. I mention about it in the car just now in front of dad, mum said that I could just break my back and it won’t be painful anymore, seriously I don’t think it’s funny at all when it scared the hell out of me when it hurts trying to straighten my back, even the pain was for a moment it was really awful.

P.S How I wish Jasmine is with me now! 😦

GIRL.

When a GIRL is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL looks down, it means she wants to be comforted.
When a GIRL is not arguing, She is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions, She is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers “I’m fine” after a few seconds, She is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you, She is wondering why you stay with her.
When a GIRL lays on your chest, She is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL calls you everyday, She is seeking for your attention.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday, She wants to be pampered.
When a GIRL says “I love you”, She means it.
When a GIRL says that she can’t live without you, She has made up her mind that you are her future.
When a GIRL says “I miss you”, No one in this world can miss you more than that.

Reblogged from lovequotesx3

Insecurity Is Not Lovable.

I’m sick and tired of feeling bad about everything I do
What would it be like if you felt it too?
Insecurities abound in my broken mind
I soak in decaying flowers one step closer to my last

I don’t know if you’re serious or surreal
What the hell is my problem? I hate to think and feel
Sunburns are on my mind and I’ve burned your trust
Can you tell me if everything I say is corrupt?

I’m sick and tired of nothing happening in my favor
Everybody else seems to know my favorite flavor
Insecure and un-assured that I’m not to blame
I’m just another word here that rhymes with shame

I don’t know if you’re serious or surreal
What the hell is my problem? I hate to think and feel
Sunburns are on my mind and I’ve burned your trust
Can you tell me if everything I say is corrupt?

I’m bland, boring, plain, and stupid
I’m an anti-cupid
I’m wondering if I’ll never know
Just how far it is I’ll have to go
I think everything I’ve said is in bad taste
I’ve offended everyone I know I’m such a disgrace

I don’t know if you’re serious or surreal
What the hell is my problem? I hate to think and feel
Sunburns are on my mind and I’ve burned your trust
Can you tell me if everything I say is corrupt?

*********************************************

At first I thought that we would be alright but now I’m not sure anymore, feeling insecure now, our texts are getting shorter and lesser, the time you take to reply my texts are getting longer like how it was before. I’m really afraid, can’t help but be too sensitive and wonder in the negative way, you give me the feeling that I don’t mean anything to you, I’m just an amusement for you to spend time with while you are bored. Can’t you end this misery of mine any faster?

Lovely Dinner♥

Had a great dinner with Chef, Jessica, Tze Vei and Sin Wei tonight! We ate Japanese buffet at one of the restaurant in Pomo, a building behind Sota. Fatfat was supposed to go too, but one idiot from his platoon was caught smoking so they were released late as a punishment :/ So he can’t give me dark chocolate that he was supposed to buy it for me! But well what can I do? He got no choice too. Haha The dinner was still fun, joking around and we ate till we were super full! And I’m really thankful for chef to fetch everyone home 😀 Forgot to pay chef the money for dinner! Oops! 😛

Let It Out

Artist: Miho Fukuhara
Song: Let It Out

let it all out, let it all out
tsuyogaranakute ii nda ne
dareka ga kaitetta kabe no rakugaki no hana ga yureru

jibun rashisa nante daremo wakaranai yo
nagai nagai michi no tochuu de nakushitari hirottari
kyuu ni samishiku natte naichau hi mo aru kedo

namida mo itami mo hoshi ni kaeyou
ashita o terasu akari o tomosou
chiisaku mayotte mo futari de tsukurou
hoshikuzu o tsuyoku hikaru eien o sagasou

let it all out, let it all out
tarinai koto darake da yo ne
tarinakute ii nda ne dakara kimi to deaeta nda

“tashika” ga nan na no ka sore ga shiritakute
chiisana naifu o kutsushita ni kakushiteta
tsuyogatte tsuita uso no hou ga zutto itakatta

hontou wa kowai yo dakedo ikiteku
egao no kimi o kaze ga nadeteku
chiisana te kazashite futari de tsukurou
hoshikuzu o tsuyoku hikaru eien o sagasou

tadashii koto ga machigattetara dou sureba ii?
kanashii koto ga tadashikattara ukeireru dake?
nakushita to omotteta demo kimi ga shitteta
kimi ga ite hontou ni yokatta

namida mo itami mo hoshi ni kaeyou
ashita o terasu akari o tomosou
chiisana te kazashite futari de tsukurou
hoshikuzu o tsuyoku hikaru eien o

sayonara itsuka wa kuru kamo shirenai
kisetsu wa sore demo megurimegutteku
chiisaku mayotte mo aruiteku
kimi to aruiteku sore dake wa kawaranaideiyou ne

Posted in

Feel Loved♥

Didn’t go to school today due to fever this morning, and a few people text me to ask me to rest well, even my chef just text me to ask me to drink more water/fruit juice and rest well, the funny thing was his last message that ask me to sleep early and not text Jeremy till too late. LOL Even though it seems nothing or small detail, it makes me feel loved. ♥
O and we’re gonna go for buffet on Friday, Chef, Jessica, Me, Sin Wei and Jeremy, hope that I won’t be having my retest on that day:D

What I Want.

I want a Cinderella Story, The Notebook Romance, A Walk To Remember true-to-death love. And to be completely honest, I want you and only you. I want to stop wishing for you at 11:11 because you’re already mine. I want to draw your name in hearts and not feel guilty. I want to stop sitting up at night praying to God to make you mine. I want to be with you, and only you. I want to text you day and night, I want to hug you and never let go, I want you to kiss me on the cheek, just to be spontaneous, I want to hold hands with you and show you off to the world. I want you, and only you.

Reblogged from lovequotesx3

TOL is the best solution:)

Was happy that I talked on the phone with Jeremy just now, and got my mind and heart relieved. My mind and heart was very confuse and mess up for half a day, as Chef ask me to cut off with Jeremy and I don’t know what I should do, when he asked me what I reply chef when he asked me not to be involved with him, I didn’t reply as I don’t know. After he saw my facebook status “tell me what I should do?” he text me again, then I confirmed that he thinks that I still like him. So I decided to talk it out with him, I asked my friends for opinions on what should I say and asked him if he could talk at night, actually he wanted to meet on friday to talk but I said no because I felt that it would be meaningless if I drag what I”m gonna say to days after and today’s only monday, what am I suppose to do with him for the next few days if I’m gonna meet him.

In the end he agreed on talking on the phone, I was so nervous as time pass by!! When we started talking I was so nervous that I could bearly talk and kind of forgot what I want to say, and my first question was “Is it that you think that I still like you?” and his reply was YES. After a while we coulld talk normally to each other, then I told him that actually I don’t know myself if I like him, I don’t know what I want and I’m not ready to go into a relationship. I told him why I was afraid for us to contact each other, he said that he didn’t contact me out of boredom and we should be friends first blah blah blah… And he explained to me what was the reason why he didn’t contact me as much half a year ago, surprisingly he knew some things that I thought he don’t.

He said that it was my choice to choose whether or not to contact him, and I told him that I want to continue on but I’m afraid that the more we contact, the closer we get, I will eventually fall for him and I’m afraid of getting hurt in the end blah blah blah… I really don’t know what to do, he asked me not to be afraid, he really didn’t contact me out of boredom.

We talk a bit more about school stuffs and others before I ask him to go to bed. It was kind of decided that we will continue to contact each other, so he said he will text me tomorrow.

I’m glad that I’ve a bunch of great friends that stand by me when I feel down, cheer me up, comfort me and gave me a lot of great advice. LOVE THEM LOTS!♥

P.S My thoughts make no sense, Everything is a mess, My heads a jumble of thoughts, Ideas, Wishes, Ones that I shouldn’t have.
 

 

The Start of Something New?

This was how everything started,  he commented on my status and we keep replying each other on facebook till night time when he said he can’t use internet, we started texting each other, frankly speaking I was happy texting him. Then on Tuesday,  I went to meet Jessica and Tze vei for gym, and I told them everything and this was when Jessica told me that he text her about some competition thing on monday night and they are still texting. I felt “hmm ok, kind of disappointed”, I felt like I want to stop messaging but still, I can’t control myself.
On Friday, I was wrong when I thought that Jessica and him have stopped texting then I was unhappy. Seriously speaking, it’s stupid for me to be unhappy as it’s not like he can’t message someone else right? I’m not even someone special to him. That day he stopped replying me at about noon, after catering around evening, I asked Jessica what time they stopped messaging, and it was 3pm *explode* Then so coincidentally he replied me, saying that he didn’t reply cos his phone no battery. WOW what a lie! He is telling a lie when he was texting two best friends that would tell each other almost everything?!
Before I went home I went to say bye-bye to chef Gary then he started to make fun of me about him, Jessica and I told him how “good” a liar his god son was and we talked a bit. My heart hurts really hurts and decided not to reply him.
Tears well up when I was in the bus on my way home, it’s really hard to hold them back, and the moment I alight at the bus stop where I have to walk home, tears flowed out. So I cried while walking home, went straight into my room, lock the door and cried till I fell asleep. By the time I woke up it was almost midnight, I went downstairs had a few spoonfuls of fried rice and a pack of biscuit, went back to my room and bathe.
Then when I was bathing, I felt like crying again but I held them back and it was hard. And after that Jessica wanted to talk to me but I can’t cos I will cry the moment I speak, she told me that there’s something bad that she wanted to tell me it was then I started crying. She told me he was coming to school to help out in the catering, I cried even harder nothing was going right for me. I cried so hard that I vomited, and I kept thinking whether I should go school the next day. When I stopped crying I decided to go for the catering as normal because of chef Gary, then I tried to sleep but couldn’t so in the end I went to school without any sleep.
Guess who was the first I saw in school? At that time I thought that my luck was seriously bad, I tried to avoid him and concentrate on the catering with Chef Gary teasing me about him, I was even singing “Concentration concentration, this is a game of concentration” while grilling the baguette ok! It was really hard not to feel anything or not be conscious of where/what he was doing, I felt really awful that day, I wasn’t able to eat anything as I know I will vomit everything out if I eat, bad enough I vomited a few times without eating anything just drank water.
After catering Jessica, Tze vei, me, Chef and him went to food fair and dinner after that, I tried to eat during dinner but in the end I still vomited, it was difficult to concentrate with him there and I turn away the moment I met his eyes, chef just can’t stop teasing me about him even when he was sending me home. Finally I reached home, said bye to the two of them and after a while I received a text from him saying he was sorry that chef keep making fun of me…blah blah blah. I was kinda shock that he text me then I straight away call Jessica and even had a  conference with chef. And decided to take chef’s advice to treat him like a normal friend, so I replied him.
And we kind of talk things out this time round, realised I’d some misunderstanding about him about last time. Then today we kinda decided to start of by being friends and get to know each other more first. He’s scared of going into a relationship because he don’t really have time now and I’m also scared to go into a relationship because I was afraid of being hurt. Is it a good start? I feel better and normal now, just that I’m not proud of myself for being unable to eat, all those vomiting, crying and being sleepless. Hope that things will get better for me.