My Guardian.

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Dear Baby boy,

I am aware that your “aggression”  comes from the need to protect me as you probably sensed how I feel deep inside of me. The insecurities, the imbalance of emotions, the self-doubt and the fears… Sorry that I am always hugging you to cry when I’m struggling, perhaps that made you worry even more.

I am sorry that because of me you had to go through this which is  affecting your life. You constantly have to be uptight, on alert, be tense and angry that you can’t really fall into deep sleep and be at peace; which I know it is extremely tiring for you.

I really wish you could be like your little sister being so carefree and going into deep sleep that even when I disturbed her she wouldn’t even open her eyes.

How I wish you would understand that there is no need to protect me as there is no one that would hurt me as in physically so there is really no need to protect me. I know I am weak but not physically so please please please enjoy your life instead of protecting me, it would make me feel much much better if you do so.

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Restart.

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So it has been about 2 years since my last post and I am thinking of taking back up on blogging again. Guessing I just needed a space to let out my thoughts, and it’s quite a good hobby to practice on my language skills as well.

2 years just passed like a swift of wind, a lot has happened over the years. I have gained things, lost things, had happy occurrences, sad occurrences, feelings of regrets, eye-opening incidents be it good and bad, also letting go of feelings that I have been holding on for years; and at the same time learning from all these experiences.

Most importantly trying to find myself during my sabbatical. I have a tentative idea of what I wanna do but there is also obstacles proving it difficult to work in that direction. How I wished I was exposed to different aspects of life and gaining more knowledge during the early days then I prolly wouldn’t struggle that much?

And recently I feel as if I have once more begun to experience the throbbing pain of a wound I had forgotten. I thought that I have made every effort in me to forget those feelings but apparently not? It makes me wonder what am I doing with my life what choices have I made or what choices do I have to make.

All in all there is an upcoming project that I am working on which I am extremely excited about and can’t wait for it to launch although there is that feeling of apprehensive going on while I work on it. There are so many ups and downs that is on going and I constantly have to remind myself to hang on to it and brave through the storm but gosh every thing is so expensive! Gotta find a way around it to low the cost as much as possible cos who in the right mind wouldn’t?

P.S I am still learning.

 

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I’ve never been very good at leaving things behind. I tried, but I have always left fragments of myself there too, like seeds awaiting their chance to grow.

– Joanne Harris

Barely Hanging On.

I’m almost there, graduating in about 2 weeks time. Although convocation would be March’17. Dissertation submission on the 1st and GMC submission on the 7th, and I’m done with school!👏🏻👏🏻 I would be flying to Korea even before GMC submission so I have to rush the assignment and be half dead while at it though the good thing is that it’s only 2k words; soooo I would probably survive it.

First dissertation submission uh uh the struggle is real, I only have one week left to complete it but there are so much left to do and edit what I’ve already done. No idea why all of the sudden time passes in a snap of fingers and I am left with so little time.😢

Oh god I’m so done with school my brains are fried, can’t believe Dad wants me to take up Masters after this, hell no! However, after this what should I do? Not study so I’m left with the choice of …. hmmmmmmm… hmmmmmmm… w o r k? 😕

Currently lost with what lies in the future as I have no idea what I wanna do or more like what I wanna work as…

Gotta spend time cracking my head but before that I will spend time enjoying myself🤗

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Humans in love are terrible. You see them hungering at one another like prehistoric wolves, you see something struggling for life in between them like a root or a soul and it flares for a moment, then they smash it. The difference between them smashes the bones out. So delicate the bones.

– Anne Carson

空。

4 weeks ago I brought back a new dog, a new female golden retriever and named her Sora which means sky in Japanese. I got her from her previous owner who wanted to sell her off and the reasons were that, they were both working and have no time for her etc.. Then why get a dog in the first place? She was two months old then close to three months, she was very bite-ty due to her teething it got slightly better when I provided her with puppy teething toys.

For the first night Sora stayed at the boyfriend’s place as I didn’t wanna bring her back and introduce her to the other dogs at home abruptly. She was really well behaved, she knows how to pee on the pet sheet and doesn’t bark; such an angel. But… she has become more and more devilish now, not a little terror but a little devil. Though, now and then when we goes to the boyfriend’s house she would still put up that angel act, and everyone would praise at how well behaved she is. Such a drama queen🙄

Other than her personality that is growing, her size is growing as well, the car seat and her bed are becoming too small for her. For the past 2 weeks she grew 2kg, weighing 6.9kg at 3months old though the vet said it’s okay as she is active. Yup, we have an active little one here and extremely greedy for food.

She is a little different from Tristan when he was younger, more active and devilish however she did learn how to pee on pet sheet quick while Tristan took awhile. Tristan wasn’t so obsessed with food at Sora’s age though he is now😒 Also Tristan doesn’t shed as much as Sora, she sheds A LOT no kidding. 

Looking at how things are now, Sora would presumably out grow Tristan in the future. Loving them both💋

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First day she came to my house!

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First week in the car seat.

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3rd week in the car seat, it’s getting too small for her.

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💋

P.S Oh yeah, she is the Queen of Poop, pooping at least 4-5times a day.

For The Better.

Sherman and I have agreed to change our lifestyle so as to be able to spend more time with my baby Tristan. Therefore we will be bringing him for trail and long walks on alternate Saturdays, exploring more new places in this small city that we are living in. “Small city” yup that’s one of the problem, there aren’t many dog friendly places in Singapore and not all parks such as nature reserve allow dogs thus, we would run out of places to explore pretty soon? Yes, there can be a lot of parks here but they are mostly small which doesn’t offer long walks. Any how we will be visiting Labrador park this coming Saturday!  🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻


We brought Tristan to Green Corridor aka the Bukit Timah railway tracks on his birthday however, we didn’t exactly complete the whole course as we were short of time. But that’s okay this gives us more chance to head back there. It’s really a nice place for walks although there are many times that Tristan wanted to dash into the bushes to chase god knows what🙄 don’t even wanna think what it is.😐

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✕No Exit✕

I thought that if I were to brave through March I would be able to live peacefully for the rest of the year but… Apparently not

☝🏻Just inform me about the wedding date is good enough. No☝🏻 don’t ask me if I want a tailor made dress for the wedding. No ☝🏻don’t tell me any more details about the wedding. No ☝🏻don’t ask me or ask me to do anything for the wedding. No ☝🏻don’t even let me think anything about it. No☝🏻do not affect my life anymore. No, I will not attend the wedding.

No matter what to me it’s the worst match also the worst and stupidest wedding of the century. The thought of having to see the face that I hate so much (which looks like precious from lord of the rings for your info☝🏻) makes me feel like drowning. 

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